Cristal “SERIOUS” Steverson– My New Girl Crush

I love people with a great sense of humor and man is this chick funny:

Dammit I am so sick of hearing about how fucked up the economy is. If another muthafucka quotes CNN that don’t have cable I am going to fucking shoot myself AND THEM on national television like the terrorists. I can read. I do pay my cable bill. I hang out religiously on the internet. I KNOW THE FUCKING ECONOMY IS BAD GOT DAMMIT. Its like buying a bikini in the dead middle of winter. If you buy it now, while its cold as frozen frog turds its going to be cheap as shit. You will have to wait a while to wear it but ITS GOING TO FUCKING WARM UP. Seasons muthafuckas… ever heard of them??? The economy gets bad, thats what the fuck it does… but it always gets better… its called a recession… and the shit doesn’t last. When it gets better all you muthafuckas will be scrambling… and paying full price. You know how the rich get rich? By buying low and selling high. You know when you buy low? When things are on sale. You know when things are on sale? IN A MUTHAFUCKIN RECESSION… aka NOW… see you in the checkout line.

And if another model asks me how to get in videos I will also kill myself.

I have a problem with hoes not doing their hoe homework. If you are going to be a hoe, so be it, but be the best hoe you can be. Beginning with, hoe homework.
Hoes in the club, in the VIP, asking me who the 7 foot nigga is with the $250,000 worth of diamonds on is.
Shit, I don’t know. Thats for you to know! Do your hoe homework.
Hoes in the hotel, asking me what room Chingy is in.
Shit, I don’t know! Thats for you to know! Do your hoe homework.
Hoes in the mall, asking me how you get a nigga to pay your cellphone bill.
Shit, I don’t know! I pay my own cellphone bill! Do your hoe homework.
Hoes looking in the magazines, asking me who is that lady hand he’s holding with the big ring.
Shit I don’t know! Thats for you to know! Do your hoe homework.
Hoes on the show, asking Maury whose baby it is.
Maury don’t know! Thats for you to know! Do your hoe homework.

I hit a pigeon at the gas station and killed it. It was on the ground, walking in little pigeon circles by the pump. I pulled in and assumed it would move. It didn’t, I hit it. It died. Lesson 1: If you get in my way, I will hit you, with a car, and kill you. Lesson 2: No matter how FLY you are, if you don’t cease the moment, you will die, a horrible painful death, possibly at a gas station.

Hoes are like Lambroginis. Fun… but you wouldn’t want to put your baby in one. Think about it.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE THONG SONG?!? Do you realize our children are going to think we are all a pack of idiots?!?

Have you ever wanted someone’s ears to dry up and fall off like baby’s umbilical cords?

REALLY… What IS your life about?

Click here to go to her myspace page and here to follow her on twitter.  Funny stuff people!